Even When You Want To Be
by A. X. Zanier
Summary: Alyx, Darien, and Bobby head out on their first mission together. 2 of a series.
1. Default Chapter

Author: A. X. Zanier  
Rating: PG-13 (Language, violence)  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or basic story ideas to 'The Invisible man'. Any  
additional characters or story ideas are mine to do with as I please.   
Timeline: # 2 of the Alyx Silver series. Original post 10/19/2000 @  
Yahoogroups.com/groups/IMFanfic   
Comments: In my timeline none of Season 2 ever happened and though MFN 1&2 are referred to  
eventually the events played out a bit differently. In my AU Arnaud never put a gland in his own  
head and therefore never went permanently invisible. Most other events occured as they did in the  
show and in the revised versions of the stories they are referred to as they happened.   
Enjoy!!!   
Thanks to Rebecca(WorkerCaste) my brave Beta reader!  
  
Even When You Want To Be  
  
  
  
One of the greatest philosophers of all time said, 'How many things there are which I do not  
want.' I had few on my list, starting with that gland tucked away in the back of my head and going  
from there.  
  
How was I supposed to know I was getting off easy?  
  
  
  
It had been two weeks since she had agreed to join the Agency. Two weeks of trying to adjust to a  
life she wanted no part of. Two weeks of trying to learn to be someone she was not. It hadn't been  
easy. She had yet to decide if this was better or worse than the previous six months.  
  
Well, she wasn't locked in a small padded cell any more; that was an improvement of sorts.  
  
She also finally got to be outdoors for the first time in half a year. That in itself was no small  
joy. To see the sun, to smell air that hadn't been through some sort of processing, to feel a  
breeze across her skin, in her hair -- it was amazing what one could forget, how simple a pleasure  
one could revel in when freedom, no matter how fleeting or how restricted, was given back.  
  
Better still was the apartment they'd finally found for her. She was glad to no longer be staring  
at the four walls of that tiny hotel room. To be rid of Agency baby-sitter outside  
twenty-four/seven.  
  
Like she had anyplace to go.  
  
  
She had a new name now, and all that went with it -- social security number, bank accounts,  
driver's license, the works. But without the Agency, she would have nothing. As far as the world  
knew, she, or rather the person she had been, was dead. She was a whole new person now, from  
appearance to abilities. Heck, most people would love to drop twenty years from their appearance,  
to have a second chance at youth. Some might even be willing to pay the kind of price she had for  
it. Some.  
  
The new place was nearly perfect for her; an old converted warehouse. The ground floor was a  
parking garage that she had no use for. The three floors above had been converted into a total of  
six apartments. She had a top floor apartment, with a partial water view over the top of the  
building across the street. The most important thing about the place, however, was the scarcity of  
neighbors. Most of the nearby buildings were either empty or nearly so. Fewer minds to impinge upon  
hers. Fewer people for her to accidentally hurt if her shields collapsed and her control went.  
  
She'd spent the last few days buying the basics for her place and having it all delivered. The  
Official wasn't going to be thrilled with the bill, but it was part of the deal they'd struck.   
There was no way she was going to scrimp on what little she was going to have. The most expensive  
purchases had been the electronics; she was now the happy owner of an entertainment system good  
enough to make the average guy green with envy. The only other thing she had really splurged on was  
the bed. Not that she really used it to sleep -- she hated to sleep these days -- but it was a place  
to curl up and hide. To try and forget.  
  
She pulled the bicycle out into traffic, making her way to the office building where the Agency hid  
itself behind the name of the Department of Fish and Game. Wonderful...not only had her life been  
co-opted by the government, it had to be the one agency that couldn't even afford its own name.  
  
Life sucks, then you die, then you get to live it over again. Or so she tended to believe these  
days. Why couldn't she have just stayed dead? She ignored the irritated honks and curses of the  
drivers as she deftly maneuvered through the early morning traffic. It was going to be a long day.  
  
Alyx carried her bike downstairs to the lab where Claire, the Keeper, let her store it in an  
out-of-the-way corner during the day. In exchange, the Keeper got to run some tests on Alyx's more  
interesting abilities.  
  
Peeling off her biking gloves, Alyx spoke to the Keeper. "What is it about guys? They have cars and  
I bike, but I still get here before them."  
  
"Maybe it has to do with the fact that they sleep past four A.M.," Claire replied sardonically.  
"How many hours last night?"  
  
"Three. But broken. Weird dreams again," Alyx said as she stored the bike.  
  
"Your sleep cycle is completely screwed up. I don't see how you keep going," Claire commented with  
actual concern in her voice.  
  
Alyx just shrugged. "I have a choice?"  
  
Alyx lifted her head, suddenly. With an odd look on her face, she walked towards the door. "It  
doesn't count if you have to sneak in invisible, Darien," she said to a seemingly blank wall. "You  
owe me a dinner. Again."  
  
With the sound of quicksilver dust falling lightly to the floor, Darien Fawkes appeared. Looking at  
the Keeper, he asked, "How does she do that?"  
  
"Now if I knew that, would I be strapping electrodes to her head every other day?" Claire asked  
rhetorically, without turning from her work. "Good morning, Darien."  
  
"Actually, I think you probably would if you could get away with it. Morning, Alyx," Darien said as  
he walked over towards the Claire.  
  
"She should be glad I'm honest and not skewing the readings on her," Alyx commented as took over a  
nearby chair.  
  
Looking over his shoulder at her, Darien asked. "What do you do all night anyway?"  
  
She chose not to mention that he must have been eavesdropping if he knew to ask that question.  
"Let's see...last night I did katas till midnight, then yoga and my meditation exercises until  
around two. Tried to sleep. Gave that up as a bad job around five. Went jogging until six or so.  
Showered, had my breakfast, and came here," Alyx recited. "Oh yeah, and I learned to speak  
Russian." She smiled sardonically. "It's amazing what you can do with language lessons on tape and  
the fast forward button."  
  
"Is that all?" Darien said sarcastically.  
  
"Like to see you keep up," she grumbled at him.  
  
"No thanks," he laughed "I happen to enjoy sleeping." He watched as Alyx leaned back in her chair,  
stretching a bit. She ending up leaning on one hand with an elbow on the long desk before her.  
Since her arrival and their rather unique meeting, there had been a bit of an upheaval here at the  
Agency. The Keeper, Claire, was having fun with her new toy, namely Alyx. Hobbes was openly hostile  
towards her, convinced she was going to be far more trouble than she could possibly be worth. And  
Darien...well, Darien was feeling a bit confused, and Alyx was the source. She was gorgeous,  
intelligent, athletic, angry as hell, and making him absolutely crazy. Like the dinner thing; today  
was the third -- no, fourth -- dinner he'd lost to her. But had she even once actually let him take  
her to dinner, even just a burger? No. She seemed to be deliberately avoiding him outside of work  
situations, and he couldn't quite understand why.  
  
She was just sitting there, staring off at something only she could see, tapping a pen she'd picked  
up along the edge of the desk in an intricate pattern that only she seemed to know the permutations  
of. The pen snapped in half when the Lab door slid open and Hobbes came in.  
  
"Hey, Hobbes," Darien said warily. His partner had a look of disgust on his face. "What's up?"  
  
"Some idiot on a bike was playing target on the road this morning." He shook his head. "I'd be  
very surprised if he actually reached his destination. Intact, that is."  
  
"Hobbes, tone down the anger," Alyx pleaded in a strained voice. Her shielding had been a bit iffy  
all morning, causing one of those brilliant headaches she had learned to both accept and hate.   
Now, however, Hobbes' seething anger was enough to push her over the edge into a full shield  
collapse. Every thought in the building was suddenly in her head...heck, nearly every mind on the  
damn block was vying for her attention. And then there were the emotions. She suddenly found  
herself lost in the swirling morass that had invaded her mind.  
  
Hobbes' startled expression was surpassed only by the Claire's sudden look of concern. "Alyx, are  
you okay?" she asked. She got up and crossed over to where Alyx sat gulping for air.  
  
With a groan of pain Alyx replied, "Yes... no...damn it, get out of my head!"  
  
Claire realized Alyx's sometimes erratic control was failing, and a moment later her fears were  
confirmed. A wave of pain/fear/anger flooded her senses as Alyx began broadcast her own discomfort  
to everyone around her. They didn't even have to be receptive; Alyx's feelings and emotions simply  
forced their way in. Both Darien and Hobbes gasped in surprise, their hands going to their heads in  
reaction as everything Alyx was feeling was shoved into their minds rather abruptly. Darien managed  
to get out a surprised "Aw crap," before Claire waved him to silence.  
  
Using iron-clad control over her own emotions, Claire spoke in a firm voice to Alyx. "Get you're  
shield up, girl. You're broadcasting to the entire building."  
  
Through gritted teeth, Alyx growled, "What do you think I'm trying to do?"  
  
"Don't try," the Keeper barked, "do it."  
  
A few more agonizing moments went by. Although the waves of emotions and thoughts weakened, they  
did not stop. Claire realized that her charge's control had collapsed completely and went to the  
emergency plan. She spoke one word. "Pattern."  
  
As suddenly as it had begun, the intrusion into their minds was gone. At the same time, Alyx's  
entire posture changed. "Acknowledged," she replied in a monotone. She suddenly relaxed, and Claire  
moved quickly to catch her as she toppled out of the chair.  
  
Glad for the mental silence, she called to Darien and Hobbes. "Help me get her to the table, would  
you?"  
  
Hobbes refused to move, just staring in surprise at the youthful-seeming girl. Darien hurried over,  
lifted Alyx off the floor, and carried her to the examination table nearby. Gently, he laid her on  
it, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face before stepping back. As the Keeper began to  
attach electrodes to Alyx's brow, he asked, "What the hell just happened?"  
  
"That is what happens when her control slips a little." Claire made some adjustments to the  
monitors.  
  
"A little? What happens when it slips a lot?" Darien asked. There was just something in her voice  
that made him wonder what had happened.  
  
Claire looked at him. "You really don't want to know."  
  
"What the hell is she?" Hobbes sounded stunned.  
  
"Very annoyed," a weak voice said from the table. She turned to Claire, "You know I hate it when  
you guys do that to me. Stupid programming." She hated losing what little control she had over her  
own mind and body. Hated having her mind suddenly flipped 'off' as if with a switch. Hated the  
uncomfortable, ill-fitting shield that got shoved unceremoniously into her head, even if it did  
ease the discomfort and allow her to regain her control. The only thing she hated more was the  
inhibitor that blanked her new senses completely.  
  
"Well, don't lose control over your powers and I won't have to use the programming," the Keeper  
replied.  
  
"If your bosses hadn't done their little experiment on me, I wouldn't have to control anything,"  
Alyx growled back.  
  
Claire felt Alyx's anger wash over her and the monitors all began to go crazy. "Alyx..." she warned.  
  
"Yeah, I know." She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, forcing herself to relax. It  
took several minutes, but the readings finally leveled out on the monitors.  
  
"What is she?" Hobbes repeated, his voice hushed.  
  
"More than the boss bargained for," Alyx replied stiffly. "Their little experiment had a few  
unexpected side effects." She began to pull the electrodes from her forehead.  
  
The Keeper tried to stop her. "We're not done."  
  
"Yes we are," Alyx said. She wasn't in the mood to play lab rat today. She removed the remaining  
electrodes from her forehead and then glared at Hobbes. "I do not need your attitude. I'm no  
happier about this than you are. Deal or get the hell out of my way." She slid off the table and  
walked away, intending to leave the Lab and go...somewhere else, didn't matter where.  
  
The door opened before she got to it and the Official marched in, followed by Eberts.  
  
"What the hell is going on down here?" the Official bellowed. "Half the accounting department is  
currently cowering under their desks."  
  
Alyx, whose control was still none too steady, snapped, "I've been practicing."  
  
The Official looked at her for a moment. "Not bad," he said.  
  
Alyx snorted. "'Not bad.' Like to see you do better."  
  
He wagged a finger at her. "Don't push your luck young lady," he said.  
  
Claire groaned. She knew the Official had just pushed button number one on Alyx's list of  
'piss-me-offs'.  
  
"Whatcha gonna do, fire me? Go right ahead, it would make for an interesting day," Alyx growled,  
taking a step towards the much larger man with no fear.  
  
"Girl, we have an agreement," the Official said gruffly.  
  
"Some agreement, more like blackma...." Alyx stopped and took a deep breath. "Nice try. Are you  
satisfied? Have I passed your little test? What number was this? Fifty-three?"  
  
"For someone who hit the hook as hard as you did, you sure spit out fast," the Official said with a  
smile.  
  
"I'm confused," Hobbes said.  
  
"I'm not surprised," Alyx said under her breath.  
  
Both Claire and Darien heard her comment and did their best to hide snickers.  
  
Hobbes glared at her. So the enmity was mutual.  
  
"Do you think you can hold that control?" the Official asked Alyx.  
  
"Don't see why not," she said, stepping back to lean against the table.  
  
"Good. I've got an assignment where your talents will be quite useful," the Official said. "Time to  
earn your keep."  
  
"Within the rules?" she asked him.  
  
"Within the rules," he confirmed. "Think you're ready?"  
  
"What the hell," she said. "I'm always up for new experiences."  
  
  
  
Hobbes was behind the wheel, hunched over and grumbling under his breath. Darien sat in the  
passenger seat, dozing, after having given up any attempt to have a rational conversation with him.  
  
It was going to be a long trip, Alyx decided. A very long trip, given the way her head was  
pounding again. The Official was too cheap to get them plane tickets, so they were stuck making the  
four hour drive to a little town that was fast becoming another Silicon Valley. Hobbes' bright  
scarlet anger was counterpointed by the cool blue of Darien's dozing mind. As they passed other  
vehicles, the minds in them would flash through her consciousness. Surface thoughts, and emotions  
-- nothing strong, nothing memorable, but there. A constant irritant, usually easily ignored, like  
background noise. Not today. Each tiny intrusion was like a spike being driven between her eyes.  
  
Growling in frustration, she dug though her backpack for her pain meds. Swallowing them with a swig  
of bottled water, she prayed they would take effect fast.  
  
"More meds?" Darien asked quietly. In recent conversations with both her and Claire, he had learned  
that she sometimes got rather severe headaches. Ones that required very powerful painkillers to  
even put a dent in. The side effect was that she tended to fall asleep for a while after taking  
them.  
  
Alyx leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "Yeah. Someone's a bit irritated with me, and I  
can't help but pick it up." She sounded so very tired, even to herself.  
  
Hobbes growled, "Try staying out of my head, girl."  
  
Alyx didn't rise to the bait. "Love to, but I can't. I pick up surface thoughts and emotions no  
matter how hard I shield. Usually I can ignore them, like a radio on in the background, but..."  
  
Hobbes' anger dampened somewhat. "But what? "  
  
"Your anger is directed at me," she said. "It's like trying to ignore someone shouting in your ear."  
  
"Oh," he said, suddenly subdued. "I didn't realize..." he trailed off.  
  
"No problem," she said groggily. "No way you could know." She shook her head and chuckled. "I still  
can't believe they didn't tell you."  
  
"Tell us what?" Darien asked.  
  
"About my bonus prizes," Alyx said.  
  
Darien turned in his seat to face her. Her normally bright, silvery eyes were turned to dull pewter  
by the pain and the medication. Her tightly braided auburn hair had come loose and looked as if she  
had spent the last hour or so running her hands through it. "Jeeze, Alyx. You look awful."  
  
She smiled at him. "And?"  
  
"Try to sleep," he said, concerned. "I'll try to keep Hobbes out of your head."  
  
Hobbes turned and shot a glare at Darien.  
  
Alyx chuckled wryly. "Sleep, what's that? Now, drug-induced unconsciousness, that I can do." She  
leaned back into the seat and shifted to get comfortable, her eyes closing. "How I miss sleep," she  
mumbled as she let the effects of the drug take over.  
  
"Is she going to be all right, Fawkes?" Hobbes asked as Darien turned to face forward.  
  
"I hope so," Darien said.  
  
Two hours later, Hobbes pulled into a truck stop to refuel and stretch. As he shut off the engine  
he looked at Darien and asked, "Should we wake her?"  
  
"Wake who?" Alyx said, startling both men. They both turned around to glare at her.  
  
"What?" she asked innocently. She'd been awake for a while, but had just let her mind drift about,  
somewhat relaxed.  
  
Hobbes just grumbled under his breath and got out of the van. Darien chuckled and shook his head.  
  
Alyx stretched a bit. "I go forth to claim sustenance. Want anything?"  
  
"No thanks. I'll get something when Hobbes gets back," Darien answered, watching her carefully.  
  
"You da boss." She slid open the side door and made her way inside the coffee shop attached to the  
gas station.  
  
About ten minutes later she trotted back out, carrying some more bottled water and one of those  
styrofoam containers for take-out food. She climbed into the back seat, somehow knowing she  
wouldn't be welcome up front. Between the meds and Hobbes' realization that he was contributing to  
the problem, she was feeling much improved and ravenous. The headaches tended to depress her  
appetite, which drove Claire crazy as she was still underweight from being on strike for well over  
a month. She opened the container, pleased to see the salad she ordered had extra hot peppers like  
she requested.  
  
She he'd been having new problems the last few weeks but she'd been ignoring them, figuring they'd  
settle out eventually. Darien climbed back in the passenger side and turned back to look at her.  
  
"Ewww. Hot peppers. Are you insane?" he commented with a smile.  
  
She swallowed. "Given the way my life has gone recently, I can only hope I am."  
  
"Out of curiosity, how often to you have to get counteragent shots?" Darien asked. He figured  
since he had her alone he might as well find out what he could. Claire had not filled him in very  
much about what she could or couldn't do, and he hadn't noticed a monitor tattoo anywhere on her.  
If they were going to work together, it might help to understand exactly what she was capable of.  
Okay, maybe not understand per se...  
  
She shook her head at him. "I don't."  
  
Bobby climbed back in then and started the van. Within moments they were back out on the road.  
  
"So how do you deal with quicksilver madness?" Darien asked, wondering exactly how she had lucked  
out.  
  
"I don't. My body is fully adapted to the quicksilver. According to what I've read, some chemical  
modifications were made to the quicksilver gland, which caused the madness. My ability was created  
by an entirely different process." Alyx explained, digging out another hot pepper and nibbling on  
it, savoring the flavors.  
  
"Wait...so you're saying you have full quicksilver abilities, without a time limit like Fawkes  
here?" Hobbes asked, honestly curious. Neither of them had been told much of anything about her,  
even though she'd been at the Agency, officially, for a couple of weeks now. So far she'd just  
been taking some basic courses, bringing herself up to speed on how an agency of this type worked.  
She would continue these studies for a few months, along with doing any assignments the Official  
decided needed her particular set of skills.  
  
"Essentially. I haven't exactly spent time seeing how long I can stay invisible." She shook her  
head at the unintentional pun. "In fact, until they stuck Darien in that room with me I hadn't used  
any of my abilities intentionally for nearly two months."  
  
"Why not, kid?" he sounded a bit gruff. "If you can tell us, that is."  
  
Alyx actually paled a bit. "They tried an experiment to increase my powers."  
  
"Didn't work, I take it." Hobbes commented, but Darien was looking at her.  
  
"No, Hobbes, I'd say it worked too well."  
  
Alyx nodded. "They succeeded, but I had no control." He voice dropped. "I destroyed the facility I  
was at. No one will tell me how many survived besides me, so I assume it was bad. I refused to use  
my powers after that."  
  
"So, not only did you get an improved gland, you got extra abilities?" Hobbes commented. "Lucky  
you."  
  
"Yeah, right, lucky me." She closed the container and set it aside. "First off, I do not have an  
artificial implant like Darien, and second, those 'extra abilities' are a far larger pain in the  
ass than they could ever be worth, no matter what the Official may think."  
  
"How could that be? Reading peoples minds, that's one of those things kids dream about being able  
to do," Hobbes said turning slightly to look at her.  
  
"In a perfect world maybe." Alyx shifted leaning forward a bit. "Look, I get headaches just  
sitting here with the two of you, because I can't filter out your surface thoughts. I also pick up  
every person driving past us. When we go through a town, I pick up even more, and that's with my  
shields up. If they went down, I would know exactly what you were thinking and feeling, along with  
everyone else for a mile around." She paused rubbing her forehead. "It hurts."  
  
"Not to sound idiotic, but why?" Darien asked.  
  
"Ever been to a party where the people start talking and just keep getting louder and louder?"   
Alyx asked him. She had been waiting for questions from them and had taken the time to come up with  
explanations she hoped they would understand.  
  
He nodded. "A few times. I usually end up leaving to escape the noise."  
  
"Imagine all that in your head, all the time, and you can't escape it," Alyx replied.  
  
Darien took a few minutes to think about that. "Ouch?"  
  
Alyx laughed lightly. "Ouch is right."  
  
"So, if you don't have a quicksilver gland like wonder boy here, how do you do it?" Hobbes asked.  
  
Alyx sighed. "Technically, I'm not supposed to say anything about how I got this way. But I'm  
going to tell you a story. Might be true, might not."  
  
Alyx took a few deep breaths. "Set your way back machines to roughly thirty years ago. A group of  
children, all born with a few weeks of each other, were chosen to test a new 'vaccine'. The parents  
thought nothing of it. New vaccines were pretty common.  
  
"This one, though, was unique: instead of protecting against any known illness, it was designed to  
create dramatic changes in the growing infants' brains. This 'vaccine' caused one of the brain's  
little-used glands, the pineal, to secrete a substance to counteract the 'vaccine'. Eventually,  
this caused the body to build up an immunity to the substance.  
  
"Pretty standard. After three years of booster shots, tests were done to see if a tolerance had  
been built and if the proper counter to the 'vaccine' was present in the blood. If it was, the  
child would go on to Phase II. Only half the kids made it to Phase II. Of those that didn't, a  
third died and another quarter were institutionalized for various reasons.  
  
"Somewhere along the way, though, bureaucracy happened. No Phase II treatments were given. The  
kids were forgotten for almost thirty years, until an old box of files revealed a list of names of  
those who survived Phase I."  
  
Alyx paused to opened a bottle of water and take a drink. Both Hobbes and Fawkes were waiting,  
somewhat impatiently, for her to continue.  
  
"It turned out that all but five of the names on the list had died when they hit puberty.  
Coincidentally, this was when Phase II was supposed to occur, but didn't. Of the five, only one  
name held any promise based on the research they did. They dug into the candidate's life and  
discovered a number of occurrences and coincidences that made her a perfect candidate for an  
attempt at Phase II, even at that late stage. Without giving the chosen person a choice, they  
arranged for her personal physician to give her another series of 'vaccinations' to prepare her  
system. Then they kidnapped her, faked her death, and gave her the final drug that would complete  
the process. She woke up two weeks later, her life as she knew it gone, her reflection that of a  
stranger, voices that weren't hers in her head, and able to control most forms of energy. She  
also had the ability to turn invisible, which was the whole point of the experiment."  
  
Alyx smiled. "Any questions?"  
  
"So instead of an artificial gland, they did something to alter an existing one?" Darien mused  
aloud.  
  
"Actually, they've altered almost my entire lymph and glandular system, but thanks to the gland  
that was altered as a control mechanism, I got the extra talents. The pineal has been theorized to  
control ESP-type abilities. Guess they've proven that true." Alyx sat back in her seat. "It's also  
why my sleep cycle is all screwy. Activating the abilities has altered the control programming in my  
brain, and it's still trying to adapt."  
  
Any further discussion was quickly forgotten when the van suddenly slewed violently to the right  
and tried to tip over. Between Bobby's driving skills and a bit of mental support from Alyx, they  
kept it upright and got it slowed. Bobby pulled the vehicle carefully into the breakdown lane and  
turned it off with a sigh, then all three climbed out to stare in dismay at the flat but mostly  
intact tire.  
  
"Hobbes, please tell me they replaced the spare from the last time?" Darien did not have much  
confidence in this, based on his expression.  
  
"I doubt it. I'd be surprised if the jack was still there," Hobbes commented with a sigh. "Cheap  
bastard."  
  
While the two men continued carping on the lack of adequate funding supplied for even basic things  
from the Agency, Alyx squatted down next to the tire and looked it over. She pulled out the piece  
of stray metal that had embedded itself in the tread and tossed it aside. The hole itself wasn't  
too bad, and not much of the tread had pulled away. "I can probably jerry-rig this if you like."  
  
The running commentary stopped abruptly as her partners turned to stare at her.  
  
"This I gotta see," Hobbes said with a sneer.  
  
Alyx stood and backed away a few steps. Closing her eyes, she centered herself like she'd been  
taught and then reached out and lifted the front quarter of the van off the ground.  
  
It wasn't until it felt like their stomachs had dropped to their shoes that Darien and Hobbes  
realized anything was happening. A surprised "What the...?" escaped from Hobbes as Darien pointed  
to the now floating van. They both stared at the van for a moment, then at Alyx.  
  
"How...? What...?" Hobbes started.  
  
"Ah, so glib," Alyx commented. "You try and figure it out. I'm going to fix the tire."  
  
Alyx first forced air into the tire through the puncture in the tread until it seemed to be  
pressurized correctly. Next, she heated up the rubber around the puncture until it began to melt,  
then convinced it to flow into the hole, filling and sealing it. She walked to the tire and  
squatted down to examine her work. Deciding it would do, she reached out with her hand  
quicksilvered and cooled the heated rubber to finish the job. Stepping back, she gently lowered the  
van to ground and was pleased to see her fix-it job hold.  
  
Bobby stepped forward and examined the tire. "Not bad. Don't know how you did it...but not bad."  
  
"I wouldn't trust it for any longer than necessary, but it should hold until we get to our  
overnight and can get it replaced," Alyx said.  
  
"Matter and energy. Two sides of the same coin," Darien muttered.  
  
"Give the man a prize," Alyx smiled. "Took your bosses a month to figure that one out. They thought  
I was a simple telekinetic."  
  
"But I thought you said you controlled energy fields?" Bobby asked.  
  
"That's right. I know it's weird, but all things have an energy field, even this heap of a van,  
which I can then interact with and control. It also means I can do stuff like this." Alyx held her  
hands in front of her about twelve inches apart. With a snap, a spark of electricity jumped between  
them.  
  
"So that's what you did that day," Darien said. He'd found the mild burn from the shock she'd given  
him after he'd woken up in the Keep. "You zapped me so I'd drop you."  
  
"I warned you," Alyx said, smiling slightly. "Somehow I don't think a calm, rational discussion  
would've done any good at the time."  
  
"You're probably right," Darien replied wryly.  
  
"C'mon, kiddies. Time to get back on the road." Tossing the keys to Darien, Hobbes said, "Your  
turn to drive."  
  
"Shotgun," Alyx piped and jumped for the passenger door.  
  
"Hey, what am I supposed to do in back?" Hobbes grouched.  
  
"Complain?" Alyx suggested.  
  
"Take a nap. It's not like we're going to get lost," Darien added as he started the van and pulled  
back onto the road. He glanced over at Alyx as she stared out the windshield. "You know, what you  
can do is pretty darn amazing."  
  
She shrugged. "I guess. But I 'd give it all up in a heartbeat to have my old life back."  
  
"Anything?" Darien asked. "No cost would be too high?"  
  
"You have no idea what I lost." Alyx said, her voice pain-filled. "My life may not have been the  
most exciting or my marriage the best, but I'd rather be what I was than what I am now."  
  
Surprise in his voice, he said. "Married?"  
  
"Yeah. Married, kids...and the bastards took it all away." She snarled the last. "And they wonder  
why I'm not grateful."***********To be continued.... 


	2. Part 2

  
Even When You Want To Be  
Part 2  
"This is the hotel?" Alyx asked, dismay evident in her voice. "It's a pit."  
  
"And the fat man only sprang for one room," said Hobbes as he walked over with the key and unlocked  
the door.  
  
"If there's only one bed, I'm out of here. Deal or no deal," Alyx growled.  
  
"Well, I guess you're staying then," Darien said from inside the room. "Two beds, if you can call  
them that." He wasn't all that thrilled with the place either, but it was better than the three of  
them sleeping in the van, which is what he and Bobby usually got stuck doing in situations like this.  
  
"Lovely. Can't you just feel the joy emanating from my every pore?" Alyx said sarcastically.  
  
"It's only for one night," Hobbes pointed out, not wanting to have to listen to her bitch all  
evening. "We do the job tomorrow and we're on our way home."  
  
"You guys can have the room. I think I'll go not sleep in the van," Alyx commented dryly.  
  
"No can do, kid." Hobbes said turning to face Alyx. "I got orders from the Keeper herself to make  
sure you sleep."  
  
"Wonderful. Now I have a baby-sitter." Then she smiled, looking at the undersized beds. "Hope you  
two will be comfortable together. I sleep alone." With a flip of her hair she grabbed her backpack  
and sauntered into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.  
  
"Flip you for the other bed." Darien said to Hobbes.  
  
  
  
Hours later Alyx sat up in bed. It had to be around four in the morning. Even with the sleeping  
pill Hobbes had insisted she take, she'd only slept four hours. Glaring jealously at the two  
unconscious men in the next bed, Alyx sighed. Shifting into a lotus position, she began her  
meditation exercises.  
  
She had just begun exercise three when a voice startled her. She opened her eyes to find Darien  
sitting in front of her on the bed, a look of concern on his face. "I said, are you okay?" he  
repeated.  
  
Alyx shifted, backing away from him. "Fine. Just couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you."  
  
Shaking his head, he replied. "You didn't. You're not the only one who has trouble sleeping you  
know."  
  
"I stand, or rather sit, corrected," she said looking him over. He looked uncomfortable, to say the  
least, and she didn't think it really had anything to do with her. "Nightmares?"  
  
Running his hand through his hair, he said, "Yeah." He moved and joined her sitting with his back  
against the headboard of the bed. Alyx debated shoving him off, as she didn't recall inviting him  
to join her, but decided it wasn't worth the effort.  
  
"Want to talk about it?" Alyx asked quietly. His discomfort would only irritate her.  
  
"Love to, shame I can never remember what they're about," Darien replied. It was true enough. He  
could never really remember specifics, though the overall tone of the dreams usually hung around  
for a long time afterwards. That was what was stuck in his head right now. When he'd noticed she  
was awake, he'd been hoping she might provide some distraction until it faded enough to let him  
sleep. "I just wanted some company, I guess."  
  
Alyx stuck a thumb at Hobbes. "He doesn't count?"  
  
"He's unconscious," Darien said, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
Alyx reached out and grabbed his right wrist, checking his monitor. It still read all green.  
  
"I'm fine," he said in a low voice.  
  
Alyx dropped his hand. "Right. Then why are you sitting next to me, and not sleeping peacefully  
with your partner over there?"  
  
"Hey, you're my partner too." He looked over at her.  
  
She snorted. "Nah. I'm the fifth wheel neither of you wants. Hell, even the Official isn't entirely  
sure what to do with me. This is just some cheesy mission to see what I can do, that's all."  
  
Darien reached over to touch her and she flinched away. "Sorry. Touching can be bad with me."  
  
"Who grabbed who's wrist?" he commented, raising his hand.  
  
"When I touch someone, I have a chance to control what happens. When someone touches me, I  
don't." Alyx answered. "It's the one thing I still have very little control over."  
  
Darien thought about that for a few minutes, wondering what she might have picked up from him  
during that first meeting of theirs. He remembered that she had known he had a headache and had  
known what the Official and Claire were thinking in the viewing room. What else might she have  
learned? It made him feel a bit weird to realize that she had been in his head and possibly knew  
things that he didn't remember or didn't want anyone else to ever know.  
  
"And now realization has struck, and he wonders exactly what the woman next to him knows," Alyx  
said to the darkened room.  
  
"Alyx, I..." She cut him off.  
  
"Go to sleep, Darien." She shifted to lie on her side facing away from him. She didn't need him to  
see how much she hurt.  
  
Somehow, he knew that no matter what he said right now it would be the wrong thing. He followed  
her advice and lay down, but instead of sleeping he stared at the ceiling for quite a while,  
thinking.  
  
  
  
Morning light did nothing to improve the look of the room. Alyx finished dressing and stepped out  
of the bathroom, only to have Hobbes snap awake and aim his gun at her. She just cocked her head at  
him and waited for him to make a decision. Pointing the gun at the ceiling and putting the safety  
on, he said. "Next time make some noise, kid."  
  
"Good morning to you too, Bobby," Alyx said sweetly.  
  
A mumbled, "Are you two arguing again?" drifted up from the pillows on what had been Alyx's bed.  
Hobbes' eyebrows went up in surprise.  
  
"Not a word, Hobbes. I've been awake for hours. He's been playing chain saw boy," Alyx said.  
  
"Hey, I don't snore," Darien said as he rolled over and sat up.  
  
"Oh, really. Then that noise was some strange communication with your mother ship, I take it." Oh,  
yes, she was feeling more than a bit out of sorts this morning.  
  
"Interesting outfit," Darien said, feeling somewhat awed at her choice of apparel.  
  
From head to toe, Alyx was dressed in black. Low heeled black boots led up to tight matte black  
pants that sat low on her hips. Her top had a mock turtle neck, but was cut with open shoulders.   
Long sleeves joined up with fingerless black gloves. The top covered her rib cage, barely, leaving  
bare an expanse of smooth stomach. As impressed as he was by her waistline, he was dismayed to  
realize he could count every rib even through the shirt. A black jacket, which she was holding in  
one hand, completed the outfit.  
  
"What's wrong with my clothes?" she asked, slightly irritated. Her clothes were one of the few  
things she made some changes with. She figured since she had the body, why not show it off a bit?  
Besides, she was hoping it would irritate the Official. She might be stuck here, but that didn't  
mean she had to make it easy for any of them.  
  
"Nothing at all," Darien said. "I can safely say I'm awake now." He threw off the covers and got  
out of bed. As he walked past Alyx, he leaned over and whispered, "And I don't snore."  
  
Alyx just laughed. "I'll be waiting in the van. Don't take forever."  
  
It was at most thirty minutes before the two men exited the hotel room. They appeared to be  
arguing. Alyx did her best not to hear, but she knew it was about her. The two of them managed to  
end their discussion before entering the van. Hobbes got behind the wheel and started the engine.  
  
"Food first," he said. "Then we check out our target."  
  
"What time is it anyway?" Darien asked, sliding a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.  
  
"Little after eight," Alyx said. "I've been up for four hours. There is the universally ubiquitous  
Denny's a few miles up the road."  
  
"Coffee. Caffeine. Anything," Darien groaned. "Mornings are not my best time." Especially when he had  
spent half the night with weird dreams and the other half lying awake thinking. It had taken a while  
before he'd fallen back to sleep.  
  
Alyx rolled her eyes. "I would never have guessed."  
  
Hobbes pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. Sure enough, just a short distance up the  
road was a Denny's. Within minutes they were seated in a booth with coffee before them.  
  
Alyx, much to their surprise, drank hers black and griped that it was weak. When she ordered  
nothing for breakfast Hobbes made a comment. "Nervous, huh? Can't say I'm surprised. First job and  
all."  
  
"No. Not nervous. Just not a breakfast person. The coffee will do till later," she said. Then she  
turned in the seat to stare out the window. She wasn't nervous, but she was confused. Her head  
ached from trying to shield out all the other people in the restaurant. Neither Fawkes nor Hobbes  
were completely awake and were therefore broadcasting every sleepy thought in their heads. Her eyes  
felt raw from a lack of sleep, and she felt a near-desperate need to hit something.  
  
Darien had yet to remove his sunglasses and he kept rubbing the back of his neck as if it ached.  
She made up her mind to ask him if he was okay, but she was forestalled by the arrival of their  
food. That did it: the scent of fried eggs and bacon sent her stomach spinning. Without comment,  
she got up from the table and made her way outside to lean against the van, taking deep breaths to  
clear the smell from her head.  
  
'Pattern, you idiot woman, pattern,' she thought to herself. Desperately, she tried to cope with  
another bout of hypersensitivity. "Maybe I should have told the Keeper," she moaned. It was  
suddenly too damn bright out, everything was too loud, the smells too strong. She closed her eyes  
and leaned her head back against the van.  
  
So focused on her own distress, she didn't hear Darien approach until he touched her on the  
shoulder and said, "Hey."  
  
Alyx reacted by mentally shoving Darien away hard enough that he landed with a grunt in the bushes  
several feet away.  
  
"Gods, I'm sorry," Alyx apologized as she rushed over to him. "Are you hurt? I didn't know it was  
you. I didn't mean it."  
  
She helped him to his feet. "Only my pride seems to be hurt." He gauged the distance between the  
van and his point of impact. "Good distance," he commented, straight-faced.  
  
Alyx broke out into near hysterical laughter, but it dissolved into sobs that she quickly choked  
off. At least tossing him had shocked her back into control of her senses, so she didn't flinch  
when his hand came down on her bare shoulder. She looked up at him. "I'm fine." she said, stepping  
away and back towards the van.  
  
"Yeah, right," Darien said under his breath as he watched her walk away.  
  
"How come I always end up paying the bill?" Hobbes asked as he came around the side of the van.  
  
Patting his partner on the back, Darien replied, "'Cause you're always the last to leave."  
  
"So the kid's okay. Not going wonky on us or anything?" Hobbes asked as he climbed in and started  
the van.  
  
"She's fine," Darien lied. Someone feeling 'fine' didn't react the way she had.  
  
"Good, lets get this job done." Bobby glanced back at Alyx who gave a slight nod. "Here we go,  
kiddies. Time for the real fun."  
  
  
  
Later that morning, parked a half mile away, on a slight rise overlooking the building that was  
their target, Hobbes observed the traffic passing through the main gate with a set of high powered  
binoculars. "Lot of traffic. Maybe we should wait till nightfall. Be less crowded then."  
  
"No," Alyx said from where she crouched between the front seats. "Most of the traffic right now is  
delivery vehicles. We just join the crowd."  
  
"How do you know that?" Bobby asked dropping the binoculars to his lap.  
  
Giving him an absentminded pat on the shoulder as she returned to the rear of the van Alyx  
answered, "Let's just say I have really good eyesight. Besides, at night we'd have to deal with  
that fence." She pointed. "They've got quite a few volts running through it."  
  
"Do I want to know?" Hobbes asked.  
  
"Shoot, I can feel the thing from here. They don't have it powered to deter, they have it set on  
'fry'. Now, I could probably turn it off, but not without setting off some sort of alarm." She  
shrugged. "Be easier to go in now."  
  
Hobbes turned to Darien. "Your opinion, Fawkes?"  
  
"The sooner we're done the better," Darien said. "If the guard doesn't let us by, we can always try  
again later."  
  
"Works for me," Hobbes said. "When you're out we'll meet there." He was pointing at a side road  
just around a curve in the road from the front gate.  
  
"And Plan 'B'?" Alyx asked.  
  
Both guys turned to look at her. "Plan 'B'?"  
  
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Let me guess, a plan is a rarity with you guys." She didn't wait  
for an answer. She scooted forward between the front seats. She looked at Darien for a moment. "You  
bringing your tools?"  
  
He nodded. "Always."  
  
"Good. Bobby, if something goes wrong we'll head across the lawn for the tree line over there."   
She pointed to the location. "There's another building on the far side of the trees. We'll meet  
there."  
  
"I know I'm going regret asking, but why?" Hobbes was trying to be patient.  
  
"Because if we set off the alarms, I don't want to have to break through the fence anywhere near  
the gate and the well armed guard there, okay?" Alyx sounded exasperated. "I thought you guys did  
this for a living?"  
  
"Yeah, but we usually try not to think this much," Darien said trying not to laugh.  
  
"Can we do this now, kid?" Hobbes griped, starting the engine of the van. "Make yourselves scarce."  
  
Alyx let the quicksilver flow over her body, trying not to sneeze as it tickled her nose. Her  
eyesight went monotone, pretty in its own way, but not as detailed as color. Alyx watched as Darien  
performed his own disappearing trick and was pleased to see one of her theories bear out as true.  
While they both were quicksilvered, she could still see him, sort of. "Interesting," she said aloud.  
  
Darien turned to look at her. "Hey. I can see you."  
  
"That'll make things easier." Hobbes commented. "Now shut up; they can still hear you."  
  
Hobbes slowed the van, preparing to stop, but the guard just waved him through. "Idiots," he said  
under his breath, then. "Let's find quiet corner to let you two out." He drove around the side of  
the building and to the rear where a row of loading bays stood; most of them were empty. Parking at  
the farthest one on the row he climbed out, intentionally leaving the door open. "Good luck."  
  
Making their way into the building, Darien and Alyx crossed the warehouse area for the elevators on  
the far side. All of the offices were located on the upper floors. Darien punched a floor at random  
and the car began to move.  
  
Alyx could feel the video feed in the car and scrambled the signal, letting the security people  
enjoy a blizzard on their monitors. When the doors opened, they walked out into the carpeted  
hallway and Alyx changed her target to the cameras in the hallway.  
  
"We need to find an empty office with a computer hooked into the main system," Alyx whispered.  
  
Darien nodded and waved for her to follow. Down several corridors and around to the back of the  
building they found some executive offices. Alyx could sense that several were empty. She kept the  
cameras out of commission as they moved, a fairly simple trick by her standards.  
  
Alyx tapped Darien on the shoulder and pointed to a nearby door. Not daring to speak aloud because  
of people in the hall, she thought at Darien *It's empty.* She paused, gauging his reaction to  
her sudden intrusion in his mind. She'd been as gentle as she could, but for some people even that  
wasn't enough. *Sorry, but this way is safer. If you want me to stop I will.*  
  
His eyebrows went up in surprise at hearing her voice in his mind. He could even feel it in an odd  
sort of way. Darien shook his head. *It's okay. Just a little weird is all.* He moved to the door  
and found it locked. He went to his knees and began to dig out his lock picks by feel, but Alyx  
moved his hand aside and grasped the knob. Turning it more with her mind than her hand, she simply  
snapped the locking mechanism with a soft pop. Checking the hallway for people, she opened the door  
just enough for the two of them to slip in and closed it softly behind them.  
  
Darien just stared at her in amazement for a moment. Where was she when he was a thief, sheesh.  
  
Alyx quickly moved over to the desk and flicked the computer on with her mind. She scanned the room  
and disabled the security monitors. Flaking the quicksilver off of just her fingers, she began the  
search for the file they needed from the mainframe. After five minutes of searching she mentally  
growled. *This is taking too long. I'm going to do it a different way. Watch my back.* Opening her  
mind, she entered the computer's data stream. Following the LAN line, she found the mainframe.  
  
Mentally she entered the file name, the computer queried her for an access code. She convinced the  
computer to cough it up for her and the computer responded by giving her access. Finding the file,  
she scanned it quickly and was appalled at what was there. Illegal biotech weapons. Formulas,  
codes, schematics for delivery systems, everything. She scanned nearby files and found similar  
stuff including illegal testing done in remotely populated areas. She took it all and uploaded it  
to the computer where she had gained access.  
  
Checking her mental time clock she realized it had taken a bit longer than she had planned. The  
light link that connected her and Darien so that they could speak was suddenly tinged with pain.  
Quickly leaving the computer she returned to herself. *Darien?*  
  
He groaned. *We may have a problem.*  
  
Quickly checking the area outside the room for people, she deemed it reasonably safe. Shedding her  
quicksilver she said. "Go ahead, we're safe enough for now."  
  
With a sigh Darien quickly shed his. "Sorry. I didn't expect to have to hold it this long." he  
whispered.  
  
Alyx grabbed his arm and slid up his sleeve. There was only a single segment left green. Counting  
up the minutes in her head she cursed. This stupid thing had taken too long. Time just didn't have  
quite the same meaning when she was in the computer, and her hunting for files had taken up too  
much. Way too much. "Damn. Any chance Hobbes has some counteragent hidden in the van?" she asked  
at a whisper.  
  
Darien just shook his head. " I just had a booster shot yesterday."  
  
"How long do you have if you don't quicksilver?" She asked, knowing whatever he guessed it was  
probably a lot less than that.  
  
"Hours at best. I'll get real cranky long before then," he answered honestly. This was just great.  
For the second time in as many weeks he was about to go quicksilver mad in her presence. He wasn't  
sure who he felt worse for: himself or her. This wasn't something she should have to deal with.  
  
She turned back to the computer. Quickly she pulled up and activated the building's Internet  
connection. Using an old internet address of hers that pre-dated her time with the Agency, she  
wrote a quick e-mail and attached the files she had uploaded to it. With a sigh of relief she sent  
the mail off into the ether, heading to the Official's e-mail box. She then erased the computer's  
records of her actions.  
  
Once again she felt the echo of his pain across her head. "How bad?" she asked, turning to Darien.  
  
He grunted. "Bad enough."  
  
"Fine. You work on keeping it under control and I'll handle the invisibility." She touched his arm  
and turned them both invisible. *We've got company.*  
  
The door opened and two maintenance types walked in. "We're there," one said into a radio. "Start  
the diagnostic and we'll track down the problem"  
  
Darien and Alyx deftly maneuvered by them and out the door they had conveniently left open. Her  
hand still lay lightly on his arm, keeping the quicksilver active. She followed as he led the way  
out of the building through the front door.  
  
They had made it about halfway to the gate and freedom when the first alarm went off. With a curse,  
Alyx pulled Darien off course and towards the nearest expanse of fence. *Hope you've got wire  
cutters in that kit of yours,* she thought at him.  
  
*What are you doing?* His thought came back tinged with irritation.  
  
*Taking a shortcut,* she replied. *Radio Hobbes and tell him to meet us at the secondary  
location.* She let go of his arm a ran the last few feet to the fence.  
  
Behind her she heard shouts as the guards discovered Darien's now visible presence. "Hobbes, we've  
got a problem," Darien said, breaking radio silence. "Plan B."  
  
Alyx shed the quicksilver from her hands as the first gunshots rang out behind her.  
  
"Get down, Darien!" Alyx shouted, and was thankful to see him react instantly.  
  
"Alyx, don't..." he yelled back when he realized what she was about to do. He would have closed his  
eyes, but he couldn't. Couldn't tear his eyes away from what he knew he was going to see.  
  
Her visible hands reached out and grasped the electrified fence. But instead of going up in a pyre  
of sparks and flames like he expected, she became completely visible, the quicksilver dust  
exploding away from her body. The fence began to spark and snap along its length and he felt  
something pass overhead. The security guards were thrown to the ground as if a giant hand had swept  
them aside. Further back, car windows exploded into dust. Then the wave hit the building and fried  
every piece of electronics in it.  
  
Alyx crowed in laughter at the sheer power coursing through her. It was extraordinary. Everything  
glowed with its own internal light, the grass, the cars, the people, the very air sparkled with  
life and power. For a moment she knew what it felt like to be a god. Then she let it go. She knew  
the dangers of this much power. Wasn't that why she'd gone on strike? Had made the choice to starve  
to death instead of using them again? The feeling of power, the freedom of that power, was too  
tempting, too dangerous and she wanted no part of it. The majority of the power she hadn't absorbed  
to create the energy wave she fed back through the fence, causing the generator that powered it to  
explode, effectively shutting it down.  
  
"Your turn," Alyx said, waving Darien over. Yeah, she probably could have shattered the fence, but  
she didn't want to. She had already done more today than she ever wanted to do again in her  
lifetime. It was just too easy to let the power take over. To give in. She didn't want to turn into  
something even more dangerous than she already was.  
  
For a moment Darien just looked at her, rather stunned, not quite sure what he had just witnessed.  
Then he got to his feet and ran over to her, digging the wire cutters out of his kit. He quickly  
went to work cutting the fence enough to let the two of them squeak through.  
  
He flinched at the whine of a bullet flying past his head. Alyx stepped between Darien and the  
armed guards, her hands coming up in front of her at waist level, palms forward at their command to  
surrender. "Don't stop," she said to Darien.  
  
The men raised their guns and began to fire at them. Her blood still singing with excess energy  
from the fence, Alyx changed the air in front of her until it was the consistency of thick mud. The  
bullets slowed and then stopped dead in the air about a foot from her. The guards' astonishment  
lasted just long enough for Darien to finish cutting the fence and pull Alyx through behind him.  
Taking off a dead run, they crossed the short grass between the fence and a the nearby wooded area.  
They were heading for the next building over, where hopefully Hobbes would be waiting in the van.  
  
Behind them, the security personnel went through the fence and continued to chase them, firing  
shots as they went. Putting on a burst of speed, Alyx caught up to Darien as they hit the tree  
line. Reaching out, she coated him in quicksilver, rendering him invisible just as they made it  
under the canopy of the trees. Quickly doing herself as well she fell back slightly; Darien's  
height giving him an advantage in the speed department. Darien had just broken out of the far side  
of the trees when he heard a yelp and a crash behind him. "Alyx?" he called.  
  
"I'm fine," she lied. "Just tripped."  
  
She held her hand to her side where the bullet had ripped through. It had simply been a lucky shot,  
but the damage was done. She leaned against the tree for another moment, hoping like hell the  
quicksilver would be enough to keep her insides in until she could actually do something about it.  
But god damn did it hurt. Not that pain was anything new to her -- hell, she and pain were old  
friends at this point. She ignored the pain, pushed herself away from the tree, and ran. She burst  
out of the tree line just as Hobbes pulled up squealing the van's brakes.  
  
Darien threw open the rear door and jumped in just as the quicksilver fell away. Reaching back, he  
grabbed for Alyx's now visible hand and pulled her inside, as Hobbes roared away smoking the tires.  
  
She landed with a grunt on top of Darien. As the van's speed steadied, she pushed herself up and  
pulled the back door shut. "Well, that was fun I suppose," she quipped.  
  
Darien still lay on the seat, his face screwed up with pain.  
  
"Damn," Alyx swore. "Hobbes, get on your cell and call the Keeper."  
  
"Not again?" Hobbes complained but he did as asked.  
  
While Hobbes talked to the Keeper, Alyx squatted down next to Darien and slid up his right sleeve.  
The last one was still green but she knew it wasn't going to be much longer, not even the few hours  
he'd been hoping for. Darien opened his eyes. "We're in trouble, aren't we?" he asked.  
  
"Nah," Alyx said with confidence. "We'll make it."  
  
Hobbes spoke from up front. "She's on her way. She'll meet us on the road as we head back. You just  
have to hold it together for a while, partner."  
  
"How long?" Darien asked. He had the bad feeling that no matter how little time Hobbes answered  
with, it wouldn't be nearly soon enough.  
  
"Don't worry about it. It's handled," Hobbes replied evasively.  
  
"How long?" Darien demanded.  
  
"At least two hours," Hobbes admitted. "The Keeper's got to drive to us and we're a good four hours  
away from home."  
  
"Shit," was Darien's enlightened comment.  
  
"You can do it, buddy," Hobbes said with forced cheerfulness.  
  
"Not alone, you can't," Alyx said. "But I can help if you'll let me."  
  
"What do you mean?" Darien said suspiciously. He was getting to that point when even those he liked  
and trusted started to become his enemies.  
  
"I can help you with control. I'll do most of the work for you so you don't end up fighting  
yourself," Alyx replied. "I'll need to use a stronger link than the one we used inside the  
building, but I promise not to poke around in your head. Just numb the pain and help you maintain  
control." She paused, looking directly into his now bloodshot eyes, and dropped her voice to a  
near whisper. "You know you won't make it on your own."  
  
"All right," he agreed, before he was no longer capable of doing so. "What do I need to do?"  
  
"Start your control routine and relax," she said.  
  
Once Darien had closed his eyes and begun his routine, Alyx zipped open her jacket with a hiss of  
pain. Sitting on the floor of the van, she took a good look at her side. The hole wasn't that big,  
but it was still bleeding sluggishly . When she'd dropped her quicksilver falling into the van,  
she'd also lost the seal it provided over the wound. Concentrating, she used the control she  
mastered during her months as a guest of the Agency and quicksilvered her hand. Placing it over  
first one side of the wound and then the other, she let the cold seep in and seal the wound, at  
least temporarily. If she took it easy till they got back, she should be fine.  
  
Having stabilized her own condition, she turned her attention back to Darien. Adjusting her  
breathing, she put herself in to a light trance. This was not going to be anywhere as easy as she  
had perhaps suggested; it would be very, very hard to keep her mind separate from his, but knowing  
it could be done gave her enough confidence to try. Her teacher, as reluctant as she had been to  
have one, had trained her very well. She moved to kneel next to Darien and lay a hand gently on his  
warmer-than-normal forehead.  
  
"Ready?" she whispered to him.  
  
"As I'll ever be," he replied in a strained voice.  
  
Alyx didn't hesitate, sliding nto his mind without effort. Having done this once already, she found  
it a bit easier to keep herself separate from him this time. It still took her a moment to adjust  
to the roiling emotions inside of him. Anger, hate, red rage, desire, lust, and even paranoia  
pushed against her intrusion. The first thing she did was block the pain that lanced through his  
head, easing the strain on his own control. She then built a wall between him and his violent  
emotions. A wall under solely her control. While she couldn't erase the effects that had already  
occurred, she could keep his condition from getting any worse, for a while anyway. Pulling her mind  
back out of his, she maintained only the light link now necessary to monitor her work.  
  
Alyx removed her hand from his forehead and asked, "Better?"  
  
Darien sat upright, his head no longer aching. He could still feel the rage, but it was a dull  
presence, as if it belonged to someone else. "Yeah," he said, sounding surprised. "How long can you  
hold this?"  
  
"Long enough," Alyx answered, already feeling a dull ache begin between her eyes. "Long enough."******To be continued... 


	3. Part 3

  
Even When You Want To Be  
Part 3  
The first hour passed uneventfully. The three of them talked a bit; complaining good-naturedly  
about the various aspects of their lives that intersected. In other words: work, the Official and  
the Agency in general. Hobbes alluded more than once to his need for a vacation. Both guys were  
surprised to learn that Alyx was just shy a black belt in karate. Darien told a few humorous  
stories from his adventures at the Agency.  
  
Alyx was the first to become quiet. Her head was throbbing in time to her heartbeat, and every bump  
in the road caused a sharp stab of agony. She could feel Darien's rage pushing against the wall she  
had erected in his mind, screaming fury just waiting to get out. She dug deeper into her reserves  
of energy and made sure the wall stayed secure. It wasn't until she felt blood running down her  
side once again that she realized she wasn't going to make it.  
  
Darien groaned, as the sharp pain he had so learned to hate once again pierced his skull. "Alyx?"  
he said, sounding worried.  
  
She turned to Hobbes. "How much longer?"  
  
"Thirty, forty minutes at best, why?" he said as he glanced over at her. She had gone dead pale,  
her eyes going a pale crimson, a eerie reflection of what Darien's did when the madness took him.  
Then he saw the blood. "Christ, kid. You're hurt." He began to pull off the road.  
  
Alyx laid a hand on his arm. "Keep going." She was more than hurt; the blood was flowing freely  
now and soaking through her jacket and her pants. There was nothing she could do about it, though.  
Right now, she had to try and rebuild the wall in Darien's mind before those darker thoughts and  
emotions that so frightened him took over.  
  
She got out of the passenger seat and went into the back with Darien. Her wall in his mind was  
crumbling. Every moment she held it intact was a moment closer to salvation. Every mile they gained  
put them closer to home. When it finally collapsed, she groaned in agony, both for herself and for  
him. Had she gained them enough? As she watched, his eyes went from bloodshot to full crimson. In a  
heartbeat, Darien was gone, no longer quite the same person she was slowly allowing herself to know.  
Rage and hate were evident on his face. He stood, hunched over, to face her in the cramped space of  
the van. Without hope, she tried to push back the tide of anger in his mind.  
  
"Get out of my mind, bitch," he shouted. Lashing out with his arm, he viciously backhanded her into  
the side door. Hitting her head, she slumped to the floor of the van, barely conscious.  
  
"Hey, Fawkes. Get a grip," Hobbes began in a voice filled with phony cheer.  
  
"Oh yeah. I'll get a grip all right," Darien said as he moved beside Hobbes. "Oh yes, right around  
your neck."  
  
Alyx was torn. Part of her so wanted to give in to unconsciousness, to just fall into darkness and  
let whatever was going to happen, happen. But the other part, the part that still gave a damn about  
the world, couldn't allow that, and fought back. Pushing away the darkness and the pain, she forced  
herself to her feet.  
  
Alyx lashed out with a kick that shoved Darien forward into the dashboard and refocused his  
attention on her. "Pull over, Hobbes," she shouted.  
  
Darien spun around with a growl of rage and came for her. Hobbes pulled into the grassy median and  
slammed on the brakes, bringing the van to a sudden stop. Darien was once again flung towards the  
dash but caught himself on the back of the passenger seat.  
  
"Now what?" Hobbes shouted.  
  
"Now I drain the van's battery and teach this bastard a lesson," Alyx growled.  
  
With a thought, the charge in the battery drained out and into her. The energy burst would be just  
enough, barely. She opened the van's side door just as Darien lunged at her. They landed in a  
tumbled heap on the grass. Unfortunately, Darien ended up on top. Alyx did the only thing she  
could; she entered his mind and took his madness as her own. As Darien's violent emotions entered  
her mind, her eyes changed. Instead of the expected red, they turned a molten silver and began to  
glow with a blue white light. She shoved him off, the madness giving her a strength to match his.  
  
But it was his size that gave him an advantage. After a moment of predatory circling, he lunged for  
her. She was able to block one punch but was caught by his other hand when it encircled her throat.  
He squeezed and pulled her close to him. "I seem to recall having you in this position once  
before," he said in a deadly voice.  
  
"Not quite," she growled at him. Without a bit of regret, she kicked him where it would hurt the  
most.  
  
Doubling over with a roar of rage, he refused to release her. His grip tightened, cutting off what  
little air she had been getting.  
  
"If you're going to kill me, do it. I never wanted this life in the first place," she ground out  
past his grip. Then she stopped fighting him and left his mind, the light in her eyes dying and  
returning them to normal.  
  
Darien seemed to pause in surprise at her words.  
  
Hobbes watched the fight with in growing dismay. If he didn't do something, the kid was going to  
die. With but a moments regret he pulled his gun and prepared himself to shoot Darien. He was  
within a heartbeat of pulling the trigger when a shower of dirt thrown up from a stopping vehicle  
got his attention. Claire threw open the door and, with syringe in hand, rushed to Darien. Reaching  
up she injected the entire contents into the back of his neck.  
  
With a groan, Darien released Alyx and fell to the ground. Alyx's mind swam with the cool rush of  
air that she was finally able to draw in. Her hand went to her bruised throat as she coughed and  
gulped, barely managing to keep herself standing.  
  
The Keeper stood from her quick examination of Darien to check on Alyx. Unsure of her voice she  
waved to Darien's prone form.  
  
"He'll be fine," Claire assured her.  
  
Clearing her throat, Alyx said in a hoarse voice, "Good. Can I pass out now?" And promptly did so.  
  
Hobbes managed to catch her and lowered her to the ground. His hands came away covered in blood.  
  
"Damn it," Claire cursed. She pulled open Alyx's jacket to find a bullet wound in the girl's right  
side. "Clean through," she noted. "Probably missed everything." Running to her car, she grabbed an  
emergency first aid kit and applied a pressure bandage to both sides of the wound.  
  
"Too close by half," she said under her breath. "Too close for both of them."  
  
  
  
It was the smell that woke her. It just screamed 'hospital' to her senses, and that was one place  
she had never been very fond of. She bolted upright, then immediately regretted it as her right  
side reminded her of her recent adventure. The curse that escaped from her lips was not one she  
would've normally chosen, but the invective seemed appropriate at this time.  
  
"I really don't think you're up for that activity right now," Darien commented wryly from a nearby  
chair. He looked tired, but okay. It was obvious that'd he'd been there for a while and she  
wondered why. She leaned back against the pillows that had been propping her up.  
  
"You should talk. Next time I'll kick harder," Alyx replied with a sly grin.  
  
He stood up, his hand going to his heart. "Now you truly wound me." He sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Smartass," Alyx said, shoving him.  
  
Hobbes peeked around the doorway. "Hey, the kid is awake finally," he said as he walked into the  
room.  
  
Curious, she asked. "Finally? How long was I out?"  
  
"You've been playing sleeping beauty for four days," Darien said in a quiet voice. "You lost quite  
a bit of blood. Bit too much, as it turned out." He paused and ducked his head almost shyly. Then  
his attitude changed and he wagged a finger of admonishment at her. "Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"Get real," she batted his hand away. "Would it really have mattered, given the situation?"  
  
"Kid has a point," Hobbes said. "You needed the help more than she did at the time. And it worked  
out okay in the end."  
  
"Hurrah, my cheering section," Alyx sniped at Hobbes. Then she lowered her voice. "Darien, I made a  
choice, a conscious choice. I chose your life over mine. It's that simple."  
  
Before Darien could make any comment, Alyx changed the topic. "All right, how do I get out of  
here? Hospitals are not tops on my list of vacation spots, you know."  
  
Feeling somewhat relieved that she had avoided his next question, Darien stood and said, "I'll find  
Claire and see if she'll turn you loose."  
  
In the hallway outside Lab Three, he stopped and leaned against the wall. Claire stood beside him;  
she had been listening for the past several minutes. "Why didn't you tell her?" she asked.  
  
Rubbing the back of his neck, he thought for a moment. It had been discovered that, because of the  
quicksilver in their blood, he was the only match for her when she needed a transfusion. Finding  
out that bit of information had nearly killed her; when given what was thought to be the correct  
blood type, she had gone into a systemic reaction. He had donated twice and had thus saved her  
life. Darien dropped his arm to his side and looked at the Keeper.  
  
"I made a choice," he said, then walked down the hall.  
  
  
  
A rather smart person, Abbie Dale, said, "To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take  
responsibility for your life and to be in control of your life."  
  
I knew that somewhere along the way I had lost control of mine; that's why I was here now. But I  
wasn't alone in it anymore. She'd made her choice to save my life over hers, to take responsibility  
for my life over her own. Perhaps I should have left it at that, but when it came down to it, I  
couldn't. Couldn't see my life being more worthy, more valuable than hers.  
  
I took away her choice by making my own. Guess I'm more like the Official than I thought.  
  
Finis  
  
  



End file.
